Dear Max,

I know it’s been a while since we last spoke, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about you.  In fact, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.

Max, I’m gonna get straight to the point.  Lately, there’s been a lot of ugly talk connecting your attempt to torpedo the public option with the millions of dollars you’ve gotten from health insurance honchos.

People see conspiracy in everything these days; have they never heard of coincidence?

But, you’ve got to admit; to those who don’t know the honorable Max Baucus, as I do, your position does emit a certain aroma.  Frankly, it makes you look a lot like one of those corporate poodles we used to point and laugh at in the congressional cafeteria.  Now, I know you called a “moratorium” on any further health sector donations to the Max Baucus campaign, and that was good – but a wee bit late, I’m afraid.  People recognize four million over five years can buy a shitload of influence, and your recent attitude toward the public option and health care reform in general is scorching many a nostril.

As you know, Montanans are among the least health insurance-covered folks in the country.  Hell, out of sheer desperation, Republicans in your state are calling for the public option.  So I’m sure you’re aware that your high profile and adamant objection to it could make life very difficult for you during your next campaign, no matter how much TV time your health industry money buys.

The national scene is even worse. Your party’s leadership and an overwhelming majority of Democratic voters are ape-wild for this option.  Unless you count the remedial class on the other side of the aisle, you and the Blue Doggerels sit alone like lepers at a fashion show.  And now with Obama’s pledge to keep his plan deficit neutral, the rug has been pulled out from the only almost-credible reason you had for objecting to the public option in the first place.

In fact, I was hoping you might have used Obama’s speech as an aha moment – an opportunity to publicly change your mind.  Instead, a few days later you released your committee’s counter proposal, which if enacted would not only put the public option out to pasture and squeeze the middle class like an empty tube of toothpaste, but would also do for private health insurers what HIV did for the latex industry.

Hell, I’m even starting to think something’s up, Max- ha ha.

All quid pro quo aside, guy, you and I both know a government-run health insurance option is the only way to get your pals at Aetna and United to stop the wholesale ripping-off and selective killing and maiming of our countrymen.  The Max I know, cares about stuff like this.  And though you benefit mightily from their dollars, your innate decency must be wreaking havoc on your sleep and that ulcer of yours.

But, don’t despair, my friend; I’ve got a plan.

Remember back in 2002 when you rented your support to the financial sector, and helped make filing personal bankruptcy for Americans more difficult than getting gold at the Olympics?  Or when you voted to lift what was left of those pesky regulations on Wall Street?

How much were you paid for your “help?”  Four million over ten years.  Ten years, Max!  You gave them the green light to own people for life, and greased the way for the investment boys to reap a windfall while destroying our economy in the bargain.  And all you got was a crummy four hundred thousand a year!

You were severely chumped, my friend, and you know it.

And, how about the NRA?  You vote to give Americans their constitutionally guaranteed right to shoot armor-piercing rounds at deer and Kevlar-wearing javelinas, and what do you get in return?  A lousy fifteen grand.  This is madness, kiddo.  These guys are worth zillions!

As the chairman of the Senate Finance Committee, there are plenty of industries champing at the bit to develop a “stronger relationship” with you.  Energy, telecommunications, defense, transportation, your old pals in finance – the list is endless.  Sure, some of your votes on your new clients’ behalf may stir up a little controversy from time to time, but nothing like this public option landmine your health “friends” have placed neatly in your path.

You’ve given them enough already.  It’s time to scrape them off of your wingtips, and open yourself up to some real dough.

As your folks used to say, “You can have your cake and eat it too.”

Just call a press conference and say something like, “Upon further study, I now believe an efficient, government-run health insurance choice (don’t say “public option”) can be cost-effective, and is in the best interest of Americans.”

With those few words, Mercenary Max becomes a statesman.  You might even get Olympia Snow to go along with you, who knows?

Sure, there will be many nasty calls from health care lobbyists, but what do you care?  You don’t need them. As chairman of the Senate Finance Committee, you’re alpha-poodle.

Anyhow, I hope I didn’t come on too strong with this thing.  And I’m sure you know that I’m only looking out for your welfare, old chum.  By the way, I know you’re a busy boy of late, but if you’re not doing anything tonight, stop by the house. We’re having a little get-together with some friends from Exxon.  I’m sure they’d be happy to see you.

Take care,

Russ Buchanan

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Comments
  1. JimmyBean says:

    I don’t know If I said it already but …Hey good stuff…keep up the good work! 🙂 I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,)

    A definite great read..Jim Bean

    Like

    • Russ Buchanan says:

      Hi Jimmy,

      How’s this for rapid response?

      For some reason, known only to WordPress’ SpamCatchers, your comment had been languishing in spam-ville for the last couple months until I discovered it wedged between “Hi, my name’s Cathy” and “The Key to Erectile Success.”

      I just want to let you know that your attaboy is very much appreciated, and I hope to keep writing pieces that will continue to make you glad you found the Russ Buchanan Blog.

      Again, sorry for the delay,

      Russ Buchanan

      Like

  2. Savannah says:

    Awesome blog!

    I thought about starting my own blog too but I’m just too lazy so, I guess Ill just have to keep checking yours out.
    LOL,

    Like

    • Russ Buchanan says:

      Hello Savannah –

      Embarrassingly enough, I just discovered your – and another writer’s – comment locked away in WordPress’ spam folder. Why it chose to banish your comment shall remain a mystery – right up there with Jimmy Hoffa’s whereabouts and Michelle Bachman’s continued electoral success.

      Despite the fact that I found it a few months after it was written, your comment is deeply appreciated. It reminds me that my work isn’t just floating around in the Internet ether – that it’s actually being read by people like you, people who are thoughtful enough to take the time and effort to give a compliment when they think it’s deserved.

      Which brings us to your laziness. I think, if you’re un-lazy enough to write nice comments, then you’re un-lazy enough to start a blog. Take this advice from a guy who majored in Laziness in college: If I can do it, you can do it.

      Thanks again, and sorry for the tardiness,

      Russ Buchanan

      Like

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